Rollo Kim Reporting

Rollo Kim, InvestigaSituationistal Journalist

Monday, October 13, 2003

She was mortally afraid of being touched. When she was nine, her parents told her the facts of life, at least as they understood them.

"Your heart is made of glass," they said. "If you ever let anyone touch you, it will break."

Shaking hands was always going to be a problem. Armoured gauntlets were not always appropriate. And so she waited in vein for a social scene where a suit of armour was considered the height of cool.

Rollo Kim

Tuesday, October 07, 2003

In an effort to compensate for increasing competition from new media and the internet, and in the hope of appearing more 'modern', the likes of Warner Brothers are set to re-release drastically altered versions of some of their all time classic films. The very latest in CGI graphics technology and digital editing techniques will be heavily employed in an attempt to 're-mix' some of Hollywood's most respected mainstream and cult movies:

The original Star Wars trilogy will see yet another update, after the surprisingly lo-fi 'digitally remastered' releases, with Mark Hamill's Luke Sky Walker being digitally replaced by former child actor Macaulay Culkin. Keanu Reeves and Busta Rhymes replacing Han Solo and Chewbacca. Members of So Solid Crew will replace the characters of Darth Vader and The Evil Emperor, whilst their over-sized entourage will be cast as Storm Troopers. The Death Star will also be transformed into a seedy, high-tech, orbiting super-club, and the force will be re-named 'the vibe'.

The Monkies TV series is set to be released on DVD this summer, but will now star members of The Prodigy, with Oxide and Nutrino stepping in as the bad-guys.

The Alien movies will be entirely re-shot, with, predictably, Britney Spears replacing Signourey Weaver's tough space fairer Ripley with a more vulnerable, undignified, naive, school-girl type character. Inexplicably, the first three movies will now be set within the gothic confines of the New York club scene.

Again, members of So Solid Crew will replace the original Giger designed 'Alien', whilst the only familiar creature elements to be retained will be a certain athletic, ceiling-climbing ability [which the Solid Crew continue to claim they will be performing 'for real', and the metallic, translucent teeth [and, unsurprisingly, the Solid Crew have resorted to actual surgical implants, in their usual thoughtless, crass style].

Back to the Future will also star 90's children's TV presenter Pob as 'Marty Mcfly' and Denzel Washington as 'Doc Emmett Brown'. Garbage's Shirley Manson will play Lorraine Mcfly, with So Solid Crew's Megaman appearing as 'Biff'.

A series of Batman and Robin movies will see the caped crusaders cast in a far darker light than before: with Robbie Williams and Paul Weller playing the duo as aging, E'd up clubber / footy lads by day, crime fighting playboy DJ's by night. Nigella Lawson is rumored to be top of a long list to play Cat Woman, whilst Graham Norton will play The Penguin, and popular right wing TV comedian Jim Davidson will play The Joker.

Corrupt [also known as Cop Killer], originally starring Harvey Keitel as a corrupt cop, and former Sex Pistol John Lydon as a twisted cop killer, will be re-released under the title of 'Cop Killa', with the CGI-spliced faces of popular yoof entertainers Billy Crystal and Eminem taking the lead rolls.

Most surprising of all is the planned remake of Fight Club. Perhaps the first truly Zeros movie, Fight Club will be re-christened Kick Boxing Crew, with the UK's own David Grey replacing Edward Norton's neurotic insomniac, and various members of So Solid Crew playing the now eight-fold Tyler Durdens.

The Doors Movie will retain its original cast, but will be digitally re-edited in order for the film to tell the story of popular beat-combo Limp Biskit.

A new series of movies based on Doctor Who [a kind of time travelling alcoholic DJ from the 1960's] are also in the pipeline, with UK rapper Tricky, the suitably fictional Ali G, comedian Johnny Vegas, Stephen Hawking, and John Lydon each taking on the roll of the Doctor, along side Angelina Jolie, Kylie, Liz Cocteau, and David Grey as his assistants. The Master [The Doctor's arch enemy] will be played by Megaman [So Solid Crew], Siouxsie Sioux [Siouxsie and The Banshees], Posh Spice, and others.

The Beatle's classic animated 'Sgt. Pepper' movie is currently being re-sequenced, with the story line and soundtrack now firmly centered around the music and voices of Oasis, as everybody prefers Oasis these days anyway. The Man Who Fell To Earth is to be serialized, with Bowie's roll played by the likes of Moby, Brett Anderson [Suede], and Pink.

Ghostbusters will now star members of Blink 182, Sum 42, Green Day and other 'melodic punk' bands.

The previously unreleased Joy Division Movie 'Close' will now star Jarvis Cocker [Pulp] as JD front-man Ian Curtis, whilst the film's editors seems to be attempting to strike an unlikely balance between depicting the story of Pulp and Joy Division as one and the same band.

Classic TV will see similar treatments, with Cheers re-set as an exclusive Soho night-club run by Dianne [Celine Dion], alongside 'Sam' [Fatboy Slim] a top DJ and former TV Sports presenter. Woody [Eminem] and 'The Coach' [David Grey] will also re-appear as the hapless Doormen.

The Prisoner movie is rumored to be ready for launch, and boasts, tragically, 'Robbie Williams' as Number 6, and tragically, Robbie Williams as Number 2. The illusive Number 1 will be played by Robbie Williams.

Perhaps most tragic of all, popular mockney TV star Jamie Oliver will now replace Michael Caine in the likes of The Italian Job and Alfie.

Rollo Kim

Wednesday, October 01, 2003

The scent is sampled and stored on computer, for internet shoppers to download. To 'play back' the odour, users will need both hardware and software from DigiScents - a program called ScentStream to interpret the data, and speaker-like add-ons called iSmell devices to generate the whiff itself.

"Smell will radically transform the online shopping experience for foods, beverages, perfumes, cosmetics, soaps, candles, and lotions," says Bellenson. "Imagine being able to create your own fragrances and flavours online and instantly finding products that match your personal tastes."

Smith explains his vision. 'E-businesses will use iSmell to enhance the overall customer experience. Online stores will now he able to achieve the atmosphere of a real store, where shoppers can smell, for example, Christmas trees and spices during the holiday shopping season."

Uri Says.

Mr Geller's site seems pretty much devoted to letting you know how many famous people he knows.

Appetite for Ignorance

Opting Out is perfectly acceptable, if you're a part of the established order.

Youth culture continues to be flooded with glamorized notions of death and violence. Traditionally full of life and ‘youthful energy’ the youth of today is content, or at least indifferent enough, to bury themselves in games, movies, music and literature with an emphasis clearly placed on violence, death, aggression and bloodshed. From the gun-toting, drug dealing rap star to the zombie-faced, blood-letting alternative rock bands, the heroes and heroines of this world resemble nothing more than movie monsters made flesh.

There seems to be little difference between the established, mainstream ‘rap star’ archetype and the alternative, but still lucrative alternative rock act. Both suggest an air of violence, both intimate worlds of drugs, weapons, nights full of aggression and destruction. Both have a penchant for guns, black leathers, jewelry, hard looks, exotic fonts and embarrassing album artwork. And while these poses may be increasingly transparent, increasingly sanitized, theatrical, they still send out the same negative messages to us, the spectators.

It is far from subversive, in fact it is perfectly reasonable for today’s more privileged youth [predominantly white, male, middle-class, just like the establishment] to become obsessed with a kind of nihilistic, romanticized view of death and suffering.

To say that ‘life is without meaning’ is the ultimate cop-out. It’s an easy answer for everything. ‘Life is meaningless…’ or ‘I hate it.’ A universal cynicism. But here the ‘escapist youth’ is still communicating in the language of the established order: ‘meaning’ and ‘hatred’: meaninglessness implies meaning, hatred implies compassion.

In the same way that satanism implies the existence of god, meaninglessness is not the denial of meaning, it is merely its opposition. No über-nihilist youth is likely to suggest that "meaning has no value… I do not acknowledge the concept of meaning." To say that one has no belief in god suggests that one has spent some time in contemplation of god – which surely hints at existentialism [an inherent element of nihilism, whether our angry young escapists ‘believe’ it or not], and spirituality. To say that you feel that life has no meaning invariably suggests the idea that for someone else, life may have a great deal to offer.

"That’s their loss." The escapist will retort.
But it’s not their loss is it? It’s his.

In an age where half the world is enslaved to the other, where poverty is rife, where wars continue to wage across half the globe, where innocent peoples suffer at the hands of those who are supposed to be there to protect and serve them, and governments of supposedly more advanced nations refuse even to acknowledge that the world is in upheaval, to say that one wishes only for oblivion is the ultimate realization of this culture – it is not a counter-attack.

In an age when we increasingly find ourselves restricted, living by rules and pressure to conform to type, to know our place and never question it, where fear and xenophobia are the order of the day, surely the true counter-culture would be one of freedom, compassion, understanding, something with a thirst for knowledge rather than an appetite for ignorance.

I must point out at this stage that because I am pointing out the flaws in this ‘negative, death obsessed’ counter-culture, does not mean that I am siding with some kind of new age hippie ideology here. Ultimately, for the average new ager, the wickan teen, or the weekend magus, spirituality, meditation, prayer and magick are methods of ‘acquiring things’ [whether that be a bigger TV, a new lover or hidden knowledge, it’s still about acquisition]. That kind of mentality is concerned with the appropriation of the occult or the spiritual for consumerist, materialistic goals. This kind of mentality is concerned with wanting and getting things, and that kind of attitude is welcomed by the established order of consumer society, it is not the road to enlightenment or compassionate being. The light side of counter-culture is no more or less flawed than the dark.

To live by self imposed restrictions, to wear a uniform that defines us as part of a select group, to place so much value on our own opinions and biases, to become slothful and satisfied that we have our ‘answers’ is merely to embrace the restrictive hegemony of our times. Ultimately, restrictions and answers are far too redolent of religion rather than a tribal, philosophical, scientific, artistic or spiritual path.

Spirituality is not the exclusive right of organized religion; understanding and truth are not the exclusive fields of science; creativity is not the exclusive tool of art.

Our ideologies do not encourage questions, but we still look to our cultures and counter-cultures for answers rather than a place to ask questions. The established order is a resistance to change. In our alternative cultures we define ourselves by unchanging uniforms in opposition to the meaningless, cyclic change of fashion. And yet the skate punk, the neo-goth, the raver, the b-boys and b-girls, the crustie, the indi kid, the new ager, the neo-mod, the wickan witch or the fetishist all pay the same amount of money, and in most cases a whole lot more, for their clothing and accoutrements as the fashion conscious do.

A uniform is still a uniform. An opinion is still only an opinion. These things are not as solid as we would like to believe, and as the Situationists put it, all ideologies exclude someone.

A sense of other-ness, of feeling like an outsider, and all of the secreted intellectual superiority that comes with that, can be wholly enveloping, intellectualized and analyzed ad-nausea, because essentially it is the 'exclusive right' of the intellectual, the privileged. Endless hours can be spent wallowing in self-examination, pouring scorn and derision on those that ‘don’t get it’. Most of us simply don’t have the luxury of time to devote to deciding on what kind of life we’d like to lead, because we’re too busy living the one we already lead.

Ultimately, daydreaming about suffering and death are a kind of escapism for these young people, the majority of whom go throughout their entire adult lives without ever skipping a meal, let alone sleeping on the street, suffering real illness, poverty or despair.

For those young anti-lifers who do suffer, wallowing in an acceptance of the now, a refusal to admit that life can be any different, is an easy option. In teen culture it is glamorized - it is a valued commodity.

In the same way that the working class mods of the 1960's took pride in their appearance - because that was all they had, as an empowering statement, it is similarly ‘rebellious’ for the over-privileged to want to 'dress down', hence the popularity of an unwashed, unkempt version of dredlocks, threadbare clothing, army surplus-wear, a vagabond / homeless / weekend traveler look amongst wealthy young adults.

Ultimately counter-culture enforces the power of the established culture, by continuing to work within its boundaries. The more privileged amongst us simply have more options, but still deal in the limited terminology of the hegemonous ideology: uniform, rules and opinions in place of personal development and personal freedom; answers rather than questions; fear, resentment and hatred rather than compassion and understanding.

A true counter-culture would not need to be defined by the rules of the dominant culture. It might not need to represent and define itself by adopting a uniform. Indeed, a true counter-culture might appear to be something quite different on the surface, affording itself a great deal of protection by resembling a harmless ‘youth movement’ or trend. Rather than simply adopting an opposing view of the world to the established order, it could begin to examine the system – subjectively and objectively, to look beyond the current system of things. A true counter-culture would ask questions and seek understanding where the dominant culture seeks answers to uncertainties and craves power through knowledge and material wealth. Like all intelligent life, this counter-culture would need to be fluid, adaptable to change and ready to accept that its view of the world is one of many. Ultimately, the true counter-culture might come to see that a great deal of objectivity, compassion and humour are the only really useful tools in dealing with contemporary way of life.