Vinnie Web: NewMedia

At Vinnie Web's NewMedia Marketing Department, we specialize in selling the latest technological tools and toys to the kinds of people who really will buy any old crap if they think it will stop people from laughing at them.

Even if they already own the product, perhaps in a slightly different colour, or with a differently spelt name, we can sell it to them, time and time again, because we're a new media development company, and people seem to assume that's cool.

They need it because it's new

It would be a lie if we were to tell you that we'll be here this time next year, because the chances are we'll have moved on to some other scam, but right now, we'd enjoy nothing more that to make your crap little knock-off iMac Shampoo look like his weeks must-have life-style accessory. My God, we even disgust ourselves sometimes.

Wow! Eactly the same as my old one, but now it's got a new and exciting name!

We are able to pinpoint exactly the kind of hopelessly naive, dispondent, cynical, apolitical 'new-media savvy' market for your product, no matter how thinly-disguised, useless, derivative or over-priced that product may be.

We'll sell your product, because we know where to steal our ideas from. Just like you.

We literally will sell snow to the Inuits. We have done, and will continue to do so.

Watch as we take a good idea and make it seem hopelessly out of date in a matter of weeks.

Over-kill a speciality

NewMedia: same shit, different casing

NewMedia: suprisingly the-same

NewMedia: the Now has never been quite so Now as it is Right Now.

Vinnie Web: Robbing you of your dignity since 1999.

From the people what brung you:

The iMac Bath-tub
The hand-held cel-comb
The iLighter

Vinnie Web: New Media whether you need it or not.

Call us, before we call you.

nice day for it

Some updates on the sound front at last: sound index

"But the teaspoons seemed somehow monstrously oversized: disneyesque, horror-film intense."

Rollo

Vinnie Web: Keeping you from falling on your keys

The world travels at 67,000 miles per hour and the World Wide Web moves with it. If your business stands still for just a moment, you'll get Cancer and you'll die.

Your lover will leave you, your car will be stolen, and your bank accounts emptied - we can and will do this, because it's our job to ensure that we sell you a web-site, whether you need one or not.

We've sold web space to our own Grandmothers, on their deathbeds. We've sold web space to dentists, psychic healers, the mentally impaired, Big Issue Salesmen, shoeshine boys, independent taxi drivers and whores.

The world is changing. It is vital that you have access to the latest communications tools, because if you don't, you'll feel left out. Because although technology is about enriching our lives, it's also about excluding those of you who can't afford it.

If you don't have a web site, you may as well proclaim to the rest of the world that you are an impotent, homeless alcoholic who has nightmares about sleeping with his / her mum, wets the bed and will die, virginal and alone.

Look, the fact is, if you won't let us sell you web space we are going to come round and break both of your knee caps, one at a time, with a tea break inbetween. And if you have children, we'll also make sure that they are around to see you suffer. They won't be getting over that one too quickly. In fact, they'll never look at you in the same light again. Don't destroy your children's Heros.

At Vinnie Web, we prey on the weak and the unfortunate because it's easy, and it gives us pleasure.

With Vinnie Web, you'll be safe in the knowledge that your Home-page is accessible 24-7, to millions of consumers and business's alike, and that you still have your own business, your private life, your home, your ability to be seen as attractive in the eyes of other people, and your ability to enjoy sexual intercourse.

So let's not fuck about. We want to sell you web space, and you wouldn't want to upset people with your physical appearnace. We enjoy our work, and so should you.

LONDON, PARIS, NEW YORK, WALSALL, BRIXTON, CHEADLE HULME

 Call us - before we call you.


Honest Dave [of Honest Dave's Used URL's]

HeRe Be tHe NeWs

The Situationist Internationale made a brief sojourn to the English south coast yesterday, after they were informed that Cornwall County Council were planning to erect a statue of Cliff Richard. Several members of the British national press were also present, after the SI themselves leaked the rumour that they would be in attendance to remove the statue, and drag it out to sea utilizing the variety of military vehicles they had hired, for the occasion.

The Sun's Freddie Starr was also on hand pretending to be Richard Atenburough. It was actually Starr who captured the future-infamy of the images of a spritely looking Michelle Bernstein dragging several members of the council into the ocean before proceeding to throw herself in too.

Bernstein [23] and SI mainman Guy Debord [32] were escorted from the scene by former Sex Pistol John Lydon, who is hotly tipped to play the new Doctor Who.

Rollo Kim, live from his sleep.